I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
