ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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