Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
