maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
