somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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