yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
