I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
