and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
