I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
