it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
