I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
