I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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