You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
