I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
