I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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