Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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