Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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