youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
