I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
