you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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