Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
