Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
