Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
