why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
