Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
