I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
