I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
two words: eviction party
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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