I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
