He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
