hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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