wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
