so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
