Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
