I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
