Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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