did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
