you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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