I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
