In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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