I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
