Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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