drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
