had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
