I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We have so much sex to catch up on
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
