dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Enjoy the penises
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
