I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
