I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
