We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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