she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
