Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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