i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
