From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
In other news, I just burned my penis
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
