he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
